"How many times will I return to beginner to make the climb again at a new level?" For me that is the crux of this post. Can I stay with the beginner's mind no matter where I am in life? Can I let go of having to know the answers, to have it figured out and then to share about that? Gotta, prove I got something right? "I don't know" is a profound place to be. Because then I am open to receive.
Allysha, glad you followed your instinct and jumped in. It sounds like it wasn't so much diving in as it was listening and then following what you were guided to do. That is awesome! 💜
Thank you for sharing this. It really hit hard to realize that as much as we try to stay open - the numbness creeps back in. The pain and grief that we are denying or thought we overcame still lurks in the recesses somewhere. It’s time to give ourselves grace and to rest and just surrender and allow. Thank you for saying (or writing) this feeling out loud.
It’s funny to notice that we’re always evolving inside. There’s not one state of “made it”. I’ve been conscious the whole time this was creeping in. I watched it, and used all my practices and tools, but in the end… nothing is wrong. This is just something my system is doing for my learning and growth . Even if it’s uncomfortable!
i had a dream when i was a much younger woman- i was getting married. we were standing on a cliff, and once the vows were said and we were pronounced, we were instructed to now jump off the cliff. i stepped to the edge, without doubt as to what we would do together.... and found my Self jumping alone. suddenly i was back up on top. this happened 3 times, and each time i jumped alone. a few years later, another dream- in this one, i experienced being both parties while making love to my Self.
i have come to believe numinosity and the liminality of connection operate on a timeline of their own. my job is to relax, release what no longer serves and be patient with my Self and all others.
This is so beautiful, Madelyn. Thank you for sharing. I love the imagery and poignancy of you jumping alone—of course… in this greatest adventure, we must all ways go alone. 💜
The ennui is strong this summer—I’ve been too busy for my own good and I’m feeling the effects. Your heart will open up again when it’s ready, but hoping it happens for your sooner rather than later!
"How many times will I return to beginner to make the climb again at a new level?" For me that is the crux of this post. Can I stay with the beginner's mind no matter where I am in life? Can I let go of having to know the answers, to have it figured out and then to share about that? Gotta, prove I got something right? "I don't know" is a profound place to be. Because then I am open to receive.
Allysha, glad you followed your instinct and jumped in. It sounds like it wasn't so much diving in as it was listening and then following what you were guided to do. That is awesome! 💜
It was a wonderful moment of trust… of not knowing what to do next, but just being guided… of trusting beyond reason, and jumping anyway.
It was—as I suspected—awkward as hell to climb back into the boat. And I did, in fact, give my husband a fright. But I’d do it every time!
Thank you for sharing this. It really hit hard to realize that as much as we try to stay open - the numbness creeps back in. The pain and grief that we are denying or thought we overcame still lurks in the recesses somewhere. It’s time to give ourselves grace and to rest and just surrender and allow. Thank you for saying (or writing) this feeling out loud.
It’s funny to notice that we’re always evolving inside. There’s not one state of “made it”. I’ve been conscious the whole time this was creeping in. I watched it, and used all my practices and tools, but in the end… nothing is wrong. This is just something my system is doing for my learning and growth . Even if it’s uncomfortable!
i had a dream when i was a much younger woman- i was getting married. we were standing on a cliff, and once the vows were said and we were pronounced, we were instructed to now jump off the cliff. i stepped to the edge, without doubt as to what we would do together.... and found my Self jumping alone. suddenly i was back up on top. this happened 3 times, and each time i jumped alone. a few years later, another dream- in this one, i experienced being both parties while making love to my Self.
i have come to believe numinosity and the liminality of connection operate on a timeline of their own. my job is to relax, release what no longer serves and be patient with my Self and all others.
thank you for all you do in the world!
This is so beautiful, Madelyn. Thank you for sharing. I love the imagery and poignancy of you jumping alone—of course… in this greatest adventure, we must all ways go alone. 💜
The ennui is strong this summer—I’ve been too busy for my own good and I’m feeling the effects. Your heart will open up again when it’s ready, but hoping it happens for your sooner rather than later!
Thanks, Sylvia. It's definitely been an interesting (and difficult) summer! Right now, I'm trusting myself to follow the flow where it leads. 🌀 ✨
I'm thinking of you, Allysha. 🙏🌙
Thank you, Robin. 💜