7 Secrets to Beat Overwhelm & Live a Big Life

Powerful Ideas for Finding Grace & Flow in the Midst of a Big, Busy, Beautiful Life

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Lately people have been reflecting back to me that they admire the way I balance my life. It’s strange to me, because it’s not something that’s part of my identity—it’s actually something that I feel like I’m failing at daily.

Juggling two businesses, a house in the country, a two year-old daughter, volunteer work, and special events, my life sometimes feels like a total gong show. It’s no wonder I’m surprised to hear that I look nonplussed while I do it!

Yet if I step back and look at the larger picture… I’m succeeding at doing an insane number of amazing things that bring joy to my life and make a difference for others.

It made me wonder…

What’s the secret to gracefully balancing the many tasks of modern life?

Right now my daughter is running in circles around me holding her pyjamas up in the air and saying “Look Mama, they’re flying!” I smile, letting her see my eyes shine so she knows that I care deeply… while still dictating to my phone the inspiration about this article that’s coming in at this exact moment, so I don’t lose it.

It’s not a perfect system, I’ll admit. I wish I could be 100% present to everything all the time, but I got some great coaching recently.

You can have a big life and do a lot of things, but feeling busy is a choice.

Engaging with the energy of busyness and constant overwhelm isn’t inevitable. When we’re stuck in the meta conversation of “busy,” it’s impossible to be present. Everything feels rushed.

Recently a friend likened me to a duck who looks graceful on the surface but is paddling furiously underneath the surface. It’s an apt analogy. I’m constantly moving, adjusting, making lists and then remaking them to stay on top of my many commitments without letting anything drop.

Instead of rushing around, I give myself to fully to each task, allowing everything else to fall away.

Photo by cristina Iacoangeli on Unsplash

What does it look like to bring grace and flow to the swirling and sometimes chaotic movement of living a big life?

Here are my top 7 secrets for staying sane while rocking the balancing act of a big life…

1. Accept Reality

I’m sorry, but you just can’t do it all.

I’ve spent a long time coming to terms with the fact that I can’t do everything. As a woman, mom, entrepreneur, and artist, it’s not possible to do the gazillion beautiful things I dream for myself every day.

I’ve had to accept that as a human being, I’m not designed to stay on top of everything the modern world throws my way. Our species simply hasn’t adapted for it. (yet?).

My grandmother was instrumental in helping me understand this when I became a mother.

“It wasn’t always like this,” she reminded me. “It’s not that you’re incapable. It’s just impossible to always keep your house tidy, raise a happy baby, get dinner on the table every night, work a full-time job, and still have time for yourself and the things you love…”

“Sorry, honey. It’s fucked, but you can’t do everything.
You have to choose.”

-Gammie

I love that my grandmother says things like, “It’s fucked.”
That’s when I know I really have to listen.

Our culture tells us that we should somehow be able to accomplish “everything,” but it’s not only cruel… it’s unrealistic.

2. Seek Flow, Not Balance

The idea of balance itself is a misnomer.

We’re not trying to balance two things being weighed against each other. I’m not seeking to find the perfect ratio of motherhood, entrepreneurship, writing, being alone, time with friends, taking care of the household, spending time with my husband, etc.

The only way to balance all of these things is not balance at all but flow. Like riding a bike, balance isn’t about staying in one place and getting everything right. It’s about moving into each moment and making constant tiny adjustments. For me, this is a constant work-in-progress, but I keep my eye on the ball constantly.

When one area of my life begins to feel under-attended, I immediately move energy there.

If I start to feel stagnant—like I’m not getting enough play time—I drop everything and prioritize that for a little while. If my house starts to feel overwhelming so that things start jamming up, I take a break from work and clean the house.

Inevitably, after I’ve attended to what’s lacking, all the areas of my life flow more smoothly. Even when I feel like I don’t have time to go out with friends or clean the house, attending to what’s needed most makes everything else fall into place. Sometimes it takes a little fiddling with the schedule to drop everything and prioritize what actually needs prioritizing, but over time I’ve found that I can’t afford NOT to.

3. Make Agreements that are Correct for You

Every time I’m invited to a new commitment, I check in with myself before I answer.

Every. Time.

If I make even a single commitment to something that doesn’t quite feel right to me, it will tip my entire schedule out of balance, and I’ll soon find myself suddenly in a constant conversation with overwhelm.

To check in and really know what’s right for me is a practice that has taken years, but I HIGHLY RECOMMEND discovering your Human Design and starting there. Understanding your basic type—Manifestor, Generator, Projector, Reflector as well as your Strategy and Authority can be unbelievably illuminating in discovering how to make agreements that are correct for you.

There are tons of resources for this, but my good friend Penny offers a complete workup of your chart that is an amazing way to learn about and familiarize yourself with your design.

Click Here to Get Your Complete Human Design Report

Photo from JovianArchive.com

4. Re-Make Agreements as Necessary

In communications training, we learn that there are three main ways to handle a promise, agreement, or commitment—you can keep it, break it, or remake it.

To be in integrity… you either keep your agreements or remake them.

A promise to do something is a BIG DEAL. Maybe it doesn’t seem that way in our society since we’re forced to do it all the time, but even something small like “Yes, I WILL make dinner,” can be a colossal feat if you have to use your willpower to bend the world to your bidding. Not everyone was designed to do that.

According to Human Design (and my own experience), some people just don’t have that kind of energy.

Personally, I can’t—and won’t—force something if the energy isn’t there. Accepting that has been a game-changer for me. If I try to do something when it doesn’t feel quite right (even if I’ve said I’m going to), it can absolutely wipe me out.

I’m constantly assessing my commitments as they approach. If it looks or feels like something isn’t correct or I won’t be able to keep an agreement, I immediately communicate and renegotiate.

Almost every time, I find that if something’s not correct for me, it’s not correct for the other person as well. That includes cancelling coaching calls, events, delivering on projects, and anything else you can think of that you might be horrified to cancel. It’s amazing how everyone “gets it” when we follow what is correct for us.

Life is magical like that.

5. Cultivate Loving Support

Living a balanced, flowing life means finding loving support for moments of overwhelm.

I call my mom. She’s my everyday coach and one of my greatest teachers, who not only listens compassionately but is able to set me on track when I get off course. With her own intuitive seeing, she points out when agreements don’t quite feel right and encourages me to take action, rather than sacrificing everything to deliver.

In my opinion, this is the most important secret of doing anything in life gracefully.

Some people appear to live successfully as islands unto themselves, but in my experience, this kind of grace is a mask, covering a deep well of loneliness and overwhelm. To be deeply, authentically graceful on the inside and out requires powerful support structures—a place where you can share and work through whatever is coming up so that it doesn’t trickle over into everything else.

Photo by Roberto Nickson on Unsplash

6. Find a System that Works for You

You don’t have to be organized in every area of your life, but you do need systems in place to help you keep track of everything.

For me, this means being willing to try on new ways of organizing things and creating systems when things aren’t working. I used to use an all online, hyper-complex project management software for all my daily tasks. Now, the program is still there to keep an overview of my larger projects and long-term ideas, but my everyday task list is in an analog daily planner. My new system feels miraculous right now, but check back in a year and I’m sure it will have changed!

Being willing to adjust as necessary to make sure your organization systems are serving you instead of taking more of your time is crucial. There’s no right or wrong way to organize yourself, except perhaps to avoid it. For me, it changes as I change. It’s just about being willing to do it again and again.

There are so many tools, ideas, and ways to organize that I won’t even begin to address them here—my favorites are ClickUp, Google Calendar, Apple Notes, OurGroceries, and there’s just no replacing good old-fashioned lists. But it doesn’t matter which organization systems you use as long as you find a way to update and refresh them regularly.

Your organization systems should be supporting you, not creating more work.

Be willing to throw out and find a new solution for any system that isn’t working RIGHT NOW.

7. Nurture Yourself

Spend time alone, with friends, and in Nature. Everyone needs to recharge.

Without taking time alone, you fill up with the noise and energy of everything around you. Whether or not you enjoy alone time, it’s a necessary reset that allows for more space in your heart and your life.

Time doing things you love fills the well of energy and inspiration.

Whether hanging out with friends, engaging with a hobby, or simply being present to something beautiful, taking time to feed your soul always pays off in energy added to the system. Like taking the car into the shop for regular maintenance, without attending to that feed your soul, the system breaks down.

Spending time in Nature is an amazing restorative. Nature has been proven to calm the nervous system, release stress and tension, and improve everything from blood flow to brain activity. The infinitely complex structures and constant movement of Nature give your brain and body a task that moves you beyond yourself into a realm of amazing possibilities.

Photo by Trent Haaland on Unsplash

This post is dedicated to all the amazing, busy creatives out there who juggle home, work, kids, creativity, and so much more every day.

I See you.

I’m sure you’ve got some amazing secrets that I’ve missed. Let us know in the comments… What helps you stay balanced?

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