Finding Freedom & Self-Expression Beyond Your Childhood Wounds

Healing Triggers in the Body, Mind & Heart

The Evolution of the Nervous System

Being human comes with a lot of baggage.

We’re hard-wired with very fiddly nervous systems.

Originally designed to keep us away from deadly creatures and things that go bump in the night, in modern times our nervous systems mainly succeed in keeping us on the edge of our seats.

While technology has evolved to keep wild things at bay, these sensitive human bodies haven’t kept up with the times.

Traditional evolution is notoriously slow, and tiny, incremental changes over tens of thousands of years haven’t done much to address these jumpy, twitchy nervous systems that set alarm bells ringing through our entire body whether or not they’re warranted.

It’s the personal equivalent of a fire alarm going off every time you run out of milk. It would be much more efficient and effective if “milk” just got added to the shopping list, but instead, the entire house is in an uproar about it (and milk may or may not ever make it onto the list).

Silly analogy, I know. But how many of us can relate to the feeling that alarm bells are going off all over our bodies over something relatively minor?

When we’re triggered, the sensations in the body take over—

A perceived lack of safety…
Buzzing, nervous, fearful energy…
Feelings of rage or injustice…
And a deep sense that I’m simply not okay.

The adult, rational mind is no longer in the driver’s seat when our nervous systems are activated.

Whether or not it’s adaptive in the modern world, these are the bodies we’ve inherited from our ancestors. When we get triggered, it’s like someone has suddenly pushed a panic button, and the whole system starts freaking out.

At those moments, it can be difficult to control ourselves.

And if we’re not careful, when we’re triggered, we can easily make harmful choices.

Amplifying & Acting Out Triggers

I was raised with an alcoholic father.

As a kid, there were times when my whole system locked up in fear, just wondering what would happen next.

Though I was never physically abused, my dad yelled a lot. My home life was very unpredictable.

I had to learn the hard way—through years of trial and error—how to make healthy choices when I’m triggered.

Because for years, my triggers ruled my life.

When I was younger if I wasn’t paying attention and I let my trigger-activated brain have it’s way, I could easily escalate a situation—screaming and yelling… throwing myself at the world uncontrollably.

It might sound like I’m talking about a childhood tantrum, but these behaviors continued well into adulthood. Until I learned to regulate that trigger state, I simply didn’t know how to stop myself from spewing my emotional chaos all over others.

Ironically and predictably, I became a lot like my father.
I didn’t know how to make a different choice.

In those moments, I might as well have been two years old.

In fact, my two year-old daughter already has better emotional regulation than I had for much of my life!

I’ve been able to teach her appropriate behaviors that took me half a lifetime to learn and understand, because I now know how to support myself and others when the body reaches that over-reactive, activated state.

The thing is—there’s nothing wrong with the fact that we are triggered.

It can feel difficult, but it’s natural and normal to experience hyper-activation of the nervous system.

At least in this point in human evolution.

We can imagine (and even long for) a time in the future where our nervous systems have physically evolved to more subtly warn us of danger. Or better yet—our systems might learn to gradate threat levels so that minor incursions don’t cause major over-reactions.

We can easily get caught up in dreaming of that perfect world or wishing things were different, but what’s important for our reality is that we learn to deal with the triggers locked into our system right now.

Because these triggers become problematic when we start to act them out in a way that causes others pain, when we blame ourselves or others, and especially when we fail to recognize that our triggers are not happening in the present moment.

What’s happening in the present moment isn’t usually what’s upsetting us to the catastrophic proportions that result in nervous system triggering.

Most triggers are learned activations from childhood traumas.

Childhood Trauma & Present-Day Triggers

Panic is hard-wired into our system from our earliest childhood.

The human animal is small and helpless at birth, with a long period of dependency before we’re able to care for ourselves. Being so reliant on others combined with being underdeveloped mentally and emotionally creates a perfect storm for feeling afraid, angry, and reactive in a way that evokes an evolutionary response.

A tumultuous childhood—where you don’t know what you can count on or don’t always feel safe—easily leads to an overactive nervous system in adulthood. And many of us didn’t have caregivers who were reliably able to care for us while regulating their own emotional states.

Even with stable caregivers, most humans have experienced a lack of security just from the everyday difficulties of life on Planet Earth.

These early experiences create the scaffolding of our personalities, and the activations we experience as a child form the basis for our triggers later in life.

Add to that the fact that the human system is wired for stories, and we quickly find ourselves mired in a seemingly inescapable maze of emotional turmoil.

When something happens that triggers a physiological response, the human mind instantly and automatically creates an explanation… a story that goes along with the thought, feeling, or sensation we’re experiencing.

For infants who experience the world without language, these triggers show up as an energy frequency that gets locked in the body. And as soon as we’re old enough to attach an explanation to that energy, we develop a story around it.

For a baby or a child, something simple—like your caregiver not being available to meet your needs—causes serious stress. Your nervous system has a reaction which creates an emotional response. As you get older, when you feel stressed, that same energy and emotional response will rise in your body, and your brain will try to explain it.

You might tell yourself something like:

“I’m not good enough…”

“They don’t care…”

“I’m all alone…”

“I can’t do it…”

“That’s not fair…”

“I’m wrong / You’re wrong…”

Perhaps you’ve inherited one (or all) of these from your childhood, or perhaps you have your own unique story that comes up over and over again.

Later in life, that emotional experience and thought are hard-wired into your system.

They arise easily and without much prompting.

As you go about your life, things happen which cause you stress, and you automatically erupt into a trigger state, thinking something like, “I’m all alone… again!”

These triggering stories from childhood haunt us until we finally deal with them.

Some people use them as fuel for success, while others are stopped by them.

“I’m not enough” can turn into a burning desire to succeed, or it can become an excuse to stay broke and incompetent, constantly trying to prove yourself to no avail.

Whatever the case, as long as you are living in a minefield of childhood triggers, you’re not living a life of freedom and self-expression.

Your life will be a by-product, lived in reaction to your story.

To be free to write your own story, you must embark on the journey to face your personal triggers and clear them from your body, heart, and mind.

But first, we have to understand and accept that we can’t run from these triggers—we have to face them head on.

Taking Personal Responsibility

Before I learned to regulate my own nervous system and support myself in an activated state, I spent much of my life looking to others to help me resolve my difficult emotions. I wanted someone to hold me, speak to me in soothing tones, and tell me it was all going to be all right.

Looking outside myself to resolve a trigger often led to even more upset, because in moments of trigger, the people around me were also dealing with their own nervous systems. Depending on their level of activation and their own capacity for emotional regulation, they weren’t always available to help.

Expecting others to help me in those moments felt natural because I felt so out of control.

It felt like something was happening to me.

Without understanding the mechanics of what was actually happening, it often felt like the person who had inadvertently activated my trigger was responsible for it.

Learning that it’s my responsibility to deal with my nervous system has been the biggest lesson on my journey to freedom.

Whatever caused the reaction in the present, and whatever past trauma set this overreaction in motion, it is my mess to deal with… my trigger to amplify or nullify.

Learning to De-Activate Triggers

When you have the tools to hold yourself deeply in the physio-emotional experience of activation… to breathe and feel until you can see beyond the present moment to the wounded child beneath… you can avoid much the harm caused by reactive trigger states.

First of all, it’s important to STOP and recognize that you’re experiencing a trigger.

This is not simply something terrible happening in the present moment.

Your system has been activated into a heightened nervous system response by something in the present moment… but the emotions and physical state you’re experiencing have been stuck in your body since childhood!

From this place of recognizing that your physical state does not match the present moment circumstances, you can take a step back to address the real problem.

Stepping back means keeping the presence of mind not to argue, act, or react from a triggered state, because this activated state isn’t helpful for finding solutions.

Years of trying to resolve my triggers by pushing through difficult conversations (and often creating more struggle in the process) has taught me that solving the issue at hand will not fully resolve my feelings.

It can be challenging to break the habit of solving problems to address difficult emotions, but changing the present circumstances won’t clear the pattern from your body.

Instead of trying to solve the problem at hand in order to escape the trigger, we can be grateful for the circumstances that have allowed us to experience this activation, because the only way to actually clear a trigger is to encounter and experience it.

We can begin to see these reactions for the gifts they are—an opportunity to gain real freedom in our lives.

Clearing Triggers From Your System

Healing our triggers is a conscious process that’s possible any time unhelpful activations are occurring in your life.

Clearing and healing triggers means acknowledging them at many different levels—physical, emotional, energetic, mental, spiritual…

If we only address a pattern at one level, it often stays stuck, which can be disheartening when we’re trying to create lasting change. So triggers cleared on a mental level can stay stuck in cell-memory, and patterns cleared from the physical body can stay trapped on an emotional level.

To effectively clear past patterns, we have to look at the whole human.

Here are some ideas for addressing triggers at different levels:

MIND:

• Counseling or talk therapy — This can be VERY effective, and though the process is long on its own, combined with BODY and HEART treatments, a good therapist is irreplaceable.

• Roadblock Clearing — If you need support in getting in touch with and moving through childhood triggers and traumas, my amazing mother guides people through a powerful process to clear triggers from the mental, emotional, and spiritual body. Email team@allyshalavino.com to learn more or schedule an appointment.

• Holding your inner child — Nothing is more powerful than showing up for yourself in a BIG way. There are many exercises designed to help you hold your inner child through the grief, pain, and anger of triggers.

• Workshops like the Landmark Forum and similar powerful courses — There is so much work available to help you move through the things that stop you. Be sure that whatever you choose, you are empowered to actually face your issues and not simply ignore and go around them.

• Paradigm-shifting books — Reading transformational books and practicing new ways of operating can be a powerful start, but in order to get the most out of this technique, it’s important to include some aspect of community. For changes to really take root, we need them to be witnessed in the outside world. If you’re interested in this avenue for healing and growth, we’re starting a new cohort of The Heretic Reading Circle soon!

HEART:

• Energy Healing — There are many types of energy work which can be effective to clear the energy patterns that stay stuck in your heart, from Reiki to energy-specific modalities, including my personal Energy Magic Coaching.

• Poetry — The special language of poetry speaks straight to the energy body and heart, bypassing the circuitry of understanding. It has the capacity to unlock held patterns and disrupt ordinary ways of being. Some of the most powerful and transformative work I’ve ever done is Kim Rosen’s Poetry Retreats.

• Transformational Breathwork — Bringing together body and brain through breath, this leading-edge modality can be intense, but it’s phenomenal for fast, effective results. Check out my dear friend Heidi Broward’s Transformational Breathwork Sessions—FREE RIGHT NOW until the end of June!

BODY:

• Massage — This can be a powerful way to release tensions and stories from the body. When combined with talk therapy or other mind modalities which bring presence to triggers, this release method can be particularly powerful.

• Acupuncture — Working with the energy body and meridians, this is an effective way to clear out old energies and patterns that are causing physical disruptions in the body. Over time, acupuncture can seriously quiet the nervous system.

• Yoga — Used correctly, this ancient practice invokes a powerful combination of breathing and deep stretching which can release trauma all over the body. To be used for trauma release, yoga practice should always be mindful and intentional.

• Other Healing Modalities — There are so many different healing methodologies that can be powerful for dealing with triggers. Just be sure that whatever you choose feels correct for your body. While it may feel challenging or activating, healing modalities should not cause new trauma.

It can be tempting to try to avoid our triggers… to put off the work of healing in favor of daily life…

But the big joke is that you’ll end up spending a lot more time in your triggers by avoiding them. 

They won’t go away on their own.

And they’ll come up again and again in present time, often in seemingly unrelated circumstances until you’ve dealt with them.

We’ve all seen friends or family living the same pattern over and again until they finally learn.

But we all do this to some extent.

When we avoid facing our triggers, our lives get smaller.

We either miss opportunities because we are stuck in reactive states. Or we avoid aspects or elements of life to avoid being re-triggered.

Now, I’m a big fan of what I call magic—the power of consciousness to affect the invisible forces all around us.

But when we try to harness consciousness toward specific results, our unconscious triggers inevitably show up in the mix.

Magic requires clarity of consciousness, and when we’re distracted by past traumas, our magical will is divided.

So, if you’re serious about training your magic, it’s time to clear your triggers.

If you’re just getting started, I’d love to hear what modalities or ideas for healing you’re drawn to. And if you’ve done this healing work before, I’d love to hear what’s worked for you in the past.